He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
