Sry I called you an 8
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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