If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
