oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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