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its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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