I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
