I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize