My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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