All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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