4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
