dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize