Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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