are you still at the devil's house?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
