so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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