im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
