just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
