brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
