I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
