Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize