Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
