I think im going to throw up on grandma
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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