it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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