I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
