so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
