I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
