Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
