i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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