I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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