He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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