Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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