you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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