haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
