just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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