the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
