and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
