dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize