I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
