my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
