make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
