if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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