dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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