good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
