i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just threw up on my dentist
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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