i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
