I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize