I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
