I will die if light touches me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
