Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
