I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
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