I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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