I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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