I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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