Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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