his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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