Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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