Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
