Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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