i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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