We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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