Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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