Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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