i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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