That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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