I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
