a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
