i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
