i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
