i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
